You're More Like the Police Officer Than You Think - Trying to Understand Police Brutality
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As a white father of two black children my heart has broken once again. My heart has broken because once again, a black man’s life was snuffed out at the hands of a white police officer. My heart breaks for my son and daughter who will experience prejudice and racism directed at them because of the color of their skin. My heart has broken because I as a white man can’t rightly teach them how to deal with being marginalized, and at times treated as something less than human. My heart has broken because I still struggle with how I can use my white privilege to enact change in our very divided country.
This week my emotions have ranged from sadness and mourning, to anger and hate, and at times apathy and numbness. As I sit with my emotions I have asked God so many different questions. Why did this evil happen again? What could bring a human being to the point where they can treat their fellow man as something akin to an animal? What could have been done in the weeks/months/years/decades leading up to this that would have led to a peaceful outcome? God, why would you let this happen?!
Then conviction hit me as I searched my soul and began to direct the questions at myself. How are my actions, or inactions, contributing to a system which marginalizes certain groups of people? As a bystander, what would I have done if a police officer was murdering a black man in front of me? Am I more like that police officer than I like to admit?
And in asking that last question my soul was crushed. As I took a hard look at my heart I realized that I am more like that officer than I like to admit. We are ALL more like that officer than we like to admit. Not a single one of us is far removed from committing unspeakable and violent acts against our fellow man. I know many will bristle at that statement and yell, “NOT ME! I could NEVER treat a human that way!” Yet history is full of examples of normal men and women doing that. If you want to see examples from somewhat recent history read Christopher R. Browning’s Ordinary Men or Iris Chang’s The Rape of Nanking. As gross as it feels to admit it, we are all closer to carrying out evil than we like to think.
Let me try to convince you by giving you an example from my life. From there, I would like to explore some practical steps to move forward.
To Hell and Back Again
In the summer of 2004 I deployed to Iraq for the first time. As a young Marine I thought my intentions were of pure heart. We were deploying to a country to “close with and destroy” the enemy. All in an attempt to make the country a better place for the Iraqi people. And this was true...at the start.
I remember our first patrol through the city we were operating in. I remember the fear of not knowing if the ground would explode around me. I remember the feeling of uncertainty around every corner. I also remember being in awe of a people who were trying to live out their lives, and provide for their families, in a war torn country.
Over the next few weeks and months our unit was tasked with doing multiple raids. As we kicked in the doors of the homes we were raiding, we began to notice something. The same people we saw out in the street during the day, where the same people we were detaining at night. People who were helping the insurgency with their efforts to harm us, and other Iraqi people.
During this time, fellow Marines were injured and killed, our base was mortared and rocketed multiple times per week, and we struggled to distinguish Iraqis wanting to kill us from those trying to survive. As the line between friend and foe became blurred, it became easier and easier to view everyone the same: as people who wanted to kill us.
As we conducted more and more raids our treatment of the people we detained became worse and worse. What started out as a slight roughing up, turned into a form of torture as we denied detainees warm clothing on a cold night, keep them awake for long periods of time, or beat them in a way that would not leave a mark. (I have written about this in more detail here.) We felt justified. These were people trying to kill us after all. Then Operation Plymouth Rock happened.
Operation Plymouth Rock
Operation Plymouth Rock took place on Thanksgiving Day - thus the name. It also happened to be one of the coldest days of our deployment. Our battalion was tasked with cordoning off a large part of the city we patrolled. From there we were to conduct house to house searches. Any military aged man that remained in their home was to be detained for questioning.
Much of our platoon was to hold security at the edge of the area being searched. As the day drug on we became more and more pissed the colder we got, and the more we saw the number of men that were being detained for questioning. The sun was setting as the operation concluded. A few dozen detainees were loaded into the back of open backed trucks to be hauled back to base.
As they were loaded into the back of the truck, many of the detainees were shivering from being outside with very little warm clothing for much of the day. As we were about to close the tailgate of the truck I heard a Marine ask for a bottle of water. I rolled my eyes as I handed him a bottle. We had no idea what these men were being detained for. We were not the ones to detain them after all. But we didn’t understand how this Marine could show these detainees a shred of humanity by offering them water. These were “bad guys” after all. Or so we had been told.
The Marine cracked open the water bottle. The next thing we knew he was pouring it over the men in the back of the truck. As they shook even more, the rest of us followed suit, drenching them before their long, cold trip back to our base.
This is one of the first times I have told this story, and the first time I have ever written about it. It breaks my heart that I was a man - no matter how young and naive at the time - that could hate another human so much that I was willing to torture them. Even writing these words feel shameful, because I know in my heart that, if given the opportunity, I would have murdered one of these men and felt justified because they were a “bad guy” who wanted to kill me.
As I reflect on the dark evil of my past, and the events that have taken place this week, I have tried to figure out how I could have gotten to that point. I have tried to figure out how a police officer got to the point where he murdered an unarmed and restrained man. And I have landed at the following:
PREJUDICE + FEAR + UNCHECKED POWER = DEADLY POTENTIAL
And like it or not, I believe we all fall victim to this in varying degrees. Let’s break down each variable.
Prejudice
I believe every human being is prejudiced in some way, shape, or form. Unfortunately in America we equate being prejudiced to the hate of another race. And although this is a form of prejudice fully manifested, this is far from the only form. You can have zero hate for a certain race and still be prejudiced against that race. It comes in the form of hiring managers selecting individuals for a role who are similar to themselves because it makes them feel comfortable. It comes in that slight discomfort you feel around certain races because you haven’t interacted with many people of that race. It reveals itself in stereotypes that are perpetuated in the media, on social media, and in conversation with friends.
No one wants to believe this is true. But I guarantee that if I took most Americans and plopped them down in the middle Afghanistan they would see the prejudice in their heart immediately. It may not be in the form of hate towards the Afghan people, but they would find it difficult to trust and be comfortable with those around them.
And that’s ok. It’s natural. Own it! I’m not saying to justify it, or to stay in it, but identify it and call it what it is. When events like this week happen we want to point fingers in our self righteousness and say, “I’m not like them!” As white people we are quick to condemn these actions - and rightfully so - but many times with impure hearts. We condemn them not only because they are evil and senseless, but to justify ourselves. Our race. We look outward to protect our ego instead reflecting on the biases in our own lives.
When this happens we don’t deal with our prejudices and over time that leads to fear.
Fear
As with our prejudices, every human has fear toward something in their lives. Usually this is fear of those things which are unknown, or the things that make us uncomfortable. When we don’t deal with our prejudices, that turns into fear of those people we have prejudices against.
If I had to guess, many police officers have never dealt with their prejudices. In turn, they have let this grow into a fear and racism of certain people. Instead of engaging people in the areas they patrol, they begin to view everyone the same. If a white officer patrols a predominantly black neighborhood, it is easier to view everyone as the criminals they arrest than it is to try and understand the culture of that neighborhood.
When someone who hasn’t owned their own prejudices becomes fearful of those they are prejudiced toward, and then obtains power which is unchecked, it can turn deadly in a hurry.
Unchecked Power
Earlier this week, another incident was captured for the world to see. A woman in Central Park, who was asked to leash her dog by a black man, sought to gain power by calling the police claiming that the black man was threatening her. Her prejudices and fear was on display for the watching world, but she lacked power.
That same day another video was released. This time of a man with unchecked power. A police officer who knelt on the neck of an unarmed and restrained black man for nearly ten minutes. An officer in a position of power that was unchecked by his fellow officers. A power which could not be put in check by the bystanders watching.
Where to go from here?
It is right to seek justice. It is ok to be angry. We should mourn the murder of George Flyod. But in the midst of our sadness and fury we would do well to hold a mirror up to our own soul. We need to identify and own the prejudices (and possibly racism) we harbor in our heart. We need to humble ourselves and have the courage to talk with those we may fear. We need to ask potentially dumb questions to understand the struggles of the marginalized. We need to discover the power we have and use that to uplift those that have been put down.
I don’t know what policies our cities, states, and country should create in the aftermath of this week. I don’t know what training would best help police forces, and others with power to keep their power in check. I don’t know how to best raise my black son and daughter to handle the challenges they have ahead.
I do know that it starts with each of us as individuals. We need to identify the small ways we as individuals treat people differently. In doing this our eyes will be open to the ways our systems, policies, and public servants diminish others. It will allow us to see the spark before it turns into a blaze.
I am just an imperfect man who is bent towards evil desires. A man with prejudices and biases I still need to deal with. A sinful man saved by the grace of Jesus Christ. In light of that I will strive to humble myself in an attempt to understand my own prejudices and fear, and use my power to uplift others.
I am more like that police officer than I’d like to admit.
We all are!