It’s OK to be Conflicted: My Take on the Ford-Kavanaugh Hearing

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Like many Americans on Thursday, my attention was riveted by the Senate hearing of Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh. At times I found myself identifying with Ford’s “camp”, and at other times with Kavanaugh’s “camp”. I couldn’t understand why I was so conflicted about what I was hearing and seeing. Over the weekend I tried to think about what transpired many times and guess what? I still find myself conflicted…and that’s OK!

Many on the Left will view Ford as a brave and heroic woman telling a dramatic recount of her assault in front of millions of Americans. Her account seemed very humble and believable. They also view Kavanaugh as an entitled and powerful man who is being exposed. His anger proved everything that is wrong with modern masculinity.

Many on the Right will view Ford as someone trying to derail the Kavanaugh nomination by waiting until the 11th hour to come forward with her story. A story which was emotional, but without evidence. They also view Kavanaugh as an honorable man being dragged through the mud for political purposed. His anger was righteous and what anyone would do in his situation.

I viewed the exact same facts being presented and remain conflicted.

If I could sum up the reason I am conflicted in as few words as possible it would be this:

As a husband and father of three girls: I believe Ford. As a father of two boys: I am skeptical.

As a husband and father of three girls, it terrifies me that the women in my life may not be believed if they claim they were sexually assaulted…no matter how long it took them to find the courage to come forward. It concerns me that depending on the situation they were in that people will tell them, “boys will be boys.”

As a father of two boys, it scares me that someone could make a claim that one of my boys assaulted them without any evidence. It troubles me that they could have their reputation tarnished or ruined over a potentially untrue accusation.

Unlike many of the Americans watching the hearings on Thursday, I refuse to pick a side at this point over feelings and political leanings. I think if both sides could remove the emotion from the day, and take a long honest look at the facts being presented — by both parties — they would feel as conflicted as me…and that’s OK. We live in a very tribal society where people feel the need to identify with a group or belief. We want to stand up and protect women brave enough to tell their stories, like Ford. We don’t like seeing anyone wrongly accused. We want to identify with someone, or something, and stand with them.

There are many things that trouble me about what I saw on Thursday. Many things caused me concern. Yet none of those things came from Ford or Kavanaugh. My trouble and concern came from interactions I witnessed between my fellow countrymen and women. Men and women at each other’s throats over events which may never be proven by either party. Men and women so dedicated to their tribe that they are willing to demean and attack their neighbor. Men and women driving a wedge further into the deep divide in our country.

I want to stay conflicted. I want to stay in a place where I can hear the deep concerns others have about the issues facing our country. I want to understand their hurt, pain, or hate and be a part of healing that.

So will you join me? Will you remain conflicted? It’s not easy to not take a side, but I promise you the work is worth it!